Glazing Words..

Expectations are a two-edged sword. They can break you, or increase your faith in them, then break you. Either you, you will be broken. It does not matter how hard you try to believe, because at the end of the day, you will be left with doubts and questions no one could answer. What is more painful than to expect pain from loved ones?
I am a believer in all good. I am a girl; a big-hearted girl, who always ends up broken because she wanted to prove everyone else wrong. Everyone I meet shares the same non-believing point of view. The more people I meet, trust, love, and cherish, then get broken by their actions, the less I believe. It does not matter if it is a family that always let me down, or friends that never seem to be there – I always learn the hard way.
Words have been escaping away from my thoughts, leaving me blank. The power I had before, the one I could control myself with, is fading away. Everywhere I go people praise my ability to speak my thoughts out. No one knows that I am losing it. I am losing the essence of my soul. Every article I write has to be limited. Every word I type has to simple and understood. Everyone wants to control my thoughts and arrange them however they please. I have no more freedom over my freedom.
My utopia is now full of people, searching between the ecstasies of my thoughts, trying to find good material to publish. It is as though, I cannot be myself anymore. I cannot seem to separate workload, from the escape I built – just to run away from it all.
I feel empty. I feel blank. I feel robotic. I feel fake. I feel lost. I feel wrong. I feel wrong. I feel wrong. I feel wrong. I feel wrong. My biggest fear came true – Worst case scenario, Now that my words control me, and I cannot control them – I do not know where to escape to, or how.
I need to run far away from everyone and everything. I need to break free from all those chains and useless limitations.
Losing what you once cherished is not bad, because you have the ability to miss it. But when something you cherish changes into something that suffocates you, you start hating it and yourself for loving it in the first place. If I start hating my words, myself, and everything I am; what will be left of me?
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